The thing about suffering from anxiety is, you’re prepared when the shit really does hit the fan.
Everyone calls you paranoid when you stress about every possible outcome for every possible scenario.
They tell you to relax. They say, don’t worry about it until it happens.
First of all, you aren’t able to just not worry about things. You aren’t able to turn your brain off.
Secondly, there are benefits to that.
While everyone else is out tra-la-laing you unconsciously make plans. You don’t even realize it, until that one day when it all turns to shit. And then, while everyone around you is freaking out saying things like, “What will you do?” and “Oh no, what’s going to happen?” your subconscious has already created a game plan and you’re ready to jump into action.
This is when you thrive. Sure, you freak the fuck out for a while. And then you figure out how to control the situation. You manage the hell out of it. You cross each item off of your to-do list like a mother fucker.
You knew what was up. Even when you were battling headaches so severe you couldn’t drive because of your stress levels, you knew what was up. When everyone told you to just relax because nothing has happened yet and you’d probably be fine and what’s the big deal, you knew what was up. You knew there were reasons you couldn’t relax.
You knew there was nothing wrong with you and you weren’t freaking out without reason.
You knew you’d have to face a mountain of bullshit someday soon and you knew you’d be facing it alone. Nobody can handle your life but you. Only you can make the big decisions.
Others can and will help you achieve your goals but only you decide what those goals are.
And, incidentally, anyone that comes at you with a “should” gets karate chopped right off your friends list. Nobody knows what you “should” do. Should implies judgment. Should implies they know better. Should takes away your autonomy. Fuck should.
The real friends say, “Have you considered…?” They say, “I have another friend who did xyz, is that something you’re doing?”
They don’t say “should.”
People who say “should” are often the same people who say stupid things like, “calm down.”
They are not the people you choose to keep around.
Same with the people who freak the fuck out when something is happening to YOU. That doesn’t feel like sympathy or support when they do that. You don’t want to be in a position where you feel like you’re supposed to calm them down when you’re going through a crisis. Nor do you need them to throw you further into a tizzy than you already are. That’s not helpful or supportive. You have enough that you’re managing right now. Tell them you trust them to manage their emotions. You have a battle to fight and that battle is yours.
The thing about anxiety is, when shit hits the fan, you get pissed off. You’re not anxious. You’re angry. You know what you have to do and you know it’s going to suck.
Your strength lies in your ability to plan and to manage. You will manage this. But fuck any petty personalities that screw things up for you. Fuck them to hell and beyond.