Getting Unstuck

I’ve come out of this most recent depressive cycle and I’m happy. I’ve been enjoying a wonderful weekend. I’ve spent time with a variety of friends and I’m filled with gratitude.

This is, in part, because I thought to increase my vitamin D dosage from 3,000 mg/day to 5,000. I noticed a difference almost immediately.

However, I think it’s also due to Pema Chodron.

A little over a year ago, I was in a lot of pain. I was still living with my ex and he had started seeing someone new, and he was delighted to let me know about his happiness in every way possible. Plus, as a die-hard liberal, the political climate was (and still is) not a mood improver.

I reached out for help, and am so glad I did.

Hello my lovely siblings,

First of all, hi. I love you and hope you’re both well. We should set up phone dates again soon. Or maybe a group call? That could be a fun way to connect and catch up, no?

Secondly, as you both know, I’m hurting pretty badly these days. It’s bad enough at home, but what’s going on out in the world isn’t helping my emotional state much (thankfully work is fantastic, otherwise my emotional state would be far worse, I’m sure).

My self-care these days often involves turning off screens and reading or listening to music. I’m leaning towards old Ani DiFranco albums a lot. She makes me feel less alone in my anger both at the world and my former relationship and supports me by legitimizing my feelings of having been wronged by both.

My question is this: Can you think of other artists I might like? Gender is unimportant, but a folksy acoustic feel like Ani’s earlier days is what I’m craving, along with lyrics that, like hers, raise emotional awareness and acceptance for me.

Thank you, lovelies. I appreciate any suggestions you might have.

Much love,
Me.

I am so grateful to my brother and sister. There are few people on the planet I admire more than them. Sadly, though, neither had much to suggest by way of music (message to readers: do any of you? I’m always looking for new music to listen to).

maxresdefaultMy brother, however, suggested listening to the audiobook of Getting Unstuck by Pema Chodron. Which I did, and highly recommend for anyone going through a tough time. Thus, my introduction to Pema Chodron occurred. She helped me greatly through my rough times last year, but once I had moved out, I forgot to revisit her. In large part, I forgot the lessons I had been practicing that had helped me so much previously.

Today, I revisited Pema Chodron. Recently I realized that a lot of her talks are available on YouTube but I hadn’t listened to anything new yet. Today, I did.

I devoted three hours of my morning to “Dealing with Difficult Emotions.”

As a result, I’m feeling much less anger. I’m feeling much more acceptance. I’m feeling much more patient.

I wrote my story out yesterday. I wasn’t sure I would publish it, but I did. I wrote about realizing I was in a relationship with someone I was scared of and I wrote about the moment I realized I needed to get out. It took up most of my day, but it is now out of me and out in the world. It is no longer inside me and I can be free of it.

My ex is who he is. He is not in my life anymore. He did some horrible things, and they were very angering and hurtful, and I did not have the luxury of feeling all the appropriate feelings at the time things occurred. I am now caught often, feeling huge emotions about things that took place years ago.

I realize now that I can choose to stay in the present while I process the events of the past. I can leave the negative energy behind me. I do not need to feel hurt by his past behavior in the present moment. In the long run, it is only he that will be hurt by himself.

I am grateful that I got away from him. I feel pity for him in a lot of ways. I could leave him, but he cannot leave himself. He is stuck, and it is unlikely he will ever get unstuck.

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