It occurred to me that I might go to a coffee shop to write today but I lack the nerve. While I’ve recovered to a large degree, I am still hesitant to go to a new place alone.
I hope to someday soon have that small amount of courage. I think I would enjoy being out and with people without interacting with them much.
It will happen very soon, I’m sure. I feel myself getting stronger by the day.
This has been accelerated by a renewed commitment to working out.
I mentioned I picked up Jillian Michael’s Beginner Shred a week or so ago. Back in my more fit days, I adored her 30 Day Shred. At my current level of fitness, though, I knew I would injure myself if I tried using it now.
Imagine my delight when I found she had created a Beginner Shred DVD. It’s divided into three 20-25 minute long workouts, each meant to be done for 10 days in a row. Each workout includes three circuits which are each done twice.
I enjoyed the hell out of the first routine and graduated to the second of the three today. It kicked my ass and I feel amazing.
In the years since I stopped strength training, I had somehow forgotten how much I love muscle soreness.
More importantly, though, I had forgotten the confidence and high one achieves from strengthening workouts vs cardio.
Cardio exhausts me and fatigues me. Strengthening (with some cardio intervals mixed in) energizes me. I had missed it and I am loving doing it again.
I had forgotten how feeling physically strong makes me stand up straighter and feel better about looking people in the eye. I had forgotten emotional strength increases when I work on physical strength.
This week and a half of solidly working out has already changed me significantly, both emotionally and physically.
I can see physical changes. My stomach appears flatter. My jeans fit me better. My curves are smoother.
Emotionally, my confidence and self-esteem are skyrocketing.
I haven’t lost a single pound and I don’t care. My personality is changing dramatically because my feelings about myself are changing dramatically.
Tomorrow, I will go on a long walk with a friend and her dogs, and she will take photos of me to use in an online dating profile.
I will be in workout clothes. My shape will show.
It is not an amazing shape. It is not one that will ever be highlighted in a fitness magazine.
But it is MINE and it is not one I am ashamed of any longer.
I am physically stronger and it is making me feel emotionally stronger.
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