Depression and Healthy Partnering

Sometimes depression wants you to cocoon yourself and shut the world away, and that’s okay. Sometimes depression’s request cannot be accommodated. And that’s okay too.

I planned to take this morning off to be depressed and regroup. My business partner wanted to do the same. He asked me to man the ship today.

I was a mess all last week, so when I was honest with him about where I am and how I’m doing he understood.

We’ll both take this morning off and we’ll talk this afternoon about how best to support each other while we’re dealing with the work stress we’re experiencing.

It sucks that we’re both people who are impacted in the same way by the same triggers rather than people who have opposite and complimentary reactions.

 

Right now, things at work definitely aren’t okay. It’s too busy, and horrible, and we’re all stressed because of it.

My partner and I are feeling the heat equally. Getting out of the kitchen isn’t an option.

One of us needs to stay in the kitchen if the other needs a breather. We need to be uniquely aware of the current demands we both face and be certain to partner each other better.

We can’t assume the other is there to pick up the slack, because the other is going through and feeling all the same things we each are, and we each have the same depression and anxiety as the other.

It’s a good relationship lesson. Many of the relationship lessons I learn these days have nothing to do with romantic relationships. This is one of many.

Partnering another and recognizing their strengths and weaknesses, while also honoring your own and coming together to get things done, is hard to do under any circumstances. Learning to do it well without romance or a sex haze clouding your vision or your behavior patterns, and observing and admiring your natural authentic tendencies as you emerge from the fog of narcissistic abuse, is a powerful thing.

My instinct today was not to panic. This is new.

Once upon a time, my instincts would have said, “Someone is asking something of me, therefore I need to do it, no matter what my own needs might be.”

Today my instinct was to suck it up and help out but within certain boundaries.

I was able to say, “Here are my needs and what I’d been planning for myself today. I understand and want to honor your needs. Let’s work this out.”

I did. And was heard. And all was well.

And now I think I’ll go fully experience my pride and exhaustion and feelings of being totally overwhelmed by life with a long overdue big hearty cry. Go, me.

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