I know when I’m satiated by my meals. I understand, in the course of eating a meal, when that happens.
Yet, I keep eating two to three times the amount that physically satisfies my needs.
I’m sick of it. I weigh more than I’ve ever weighed in my life. My clothes hurt to wear. I’m bloated and uncomfortable all the time.
I am overeating to the point of distress multiple times per week.
My food choices are healthy ones. My health is fine. My appearance is fine.
I don’t feel good, though.
Here are the resources I have found as I begin my attempts to conquer my binge eating habits.
My Spoonful of Soul
This is a site that was referenced in a post on Instagram. I was intrigued and took a look.
My Spoonful of Soul offers the following:
- Personal support
- Encouragement to stop struggling against very natural eating urges
- Acceptance towards the underlying emotions causing binge behaviors
- Understanding that food feels good and why
- No strict rules, no “good” or “bad” foods
I requested the ‘free guide’ and read it, and am glad to have done so. That, the daily emails, the multitude of helpful blog posts, and the responsiveness and kindness of the blog owner, Sai, are encouraging and inspiring. I am enjoying the site very much.
A link in one of Sai’s posts on the My Spoonful of Soul blog led me to the book “Intuitive Eating.”
“First published in 1995, Intuitive Eating has become the go-to book on rebuilding a healthy body image and making peace with food. We’ve all been there―angry with ourselves for overeating, for our lack of willpower, for failing at yet another diet. But the problem is not us; it’s that dieting, with its emphasis on rules and regulations, has stopped us from listening to our bodies.”
The reviews are great and the description of the book sounds like exactly what I need.
I ordered the book online and am looking forward to its arrival.
Never Binge Again
The page on Amazon for Intuitive Eating showed a sponsored link to a free ebook titled, “Never Binge Again,” which has over fifteen hundred positive reviews.
“Most contemporary thought on overeating and bingeing focuses on healing and self-love. But people who’ve overcome food addiction and weight issues often report it was more like capturing and caging a rabid dog than learning to love their inner child…
“Open the cage even an inch—or show that dog an ounce of fear—and it’ll quickly burst out to shred your healthy eating plans, undoing all your progress in a heartbeat.”
Free and highly rated made the choice to give it a read a no-brainer. I started it right away.
Never Binge Again uses a much different tactic towards resolving binge eating issues than either My Spoonful of Soul or, from what I can see so far, Intuitive Eating. It encourages:
- Naming one’s inner food demon, thereby giving it a persona separate from Self
- Aggressively making sure the food demon knows who is boss
- Setting up strict food rules
- Being okay with the word “never”
Other Never Binge Again resources include a website, a Facebook group, and a podcast. I’ve listed to a few episodes of the podcast. It’s recorded sessions between readers and the author, and it’s very inspiring.
I haven’t had an urge to overeat in three days. The urge simply hasn’t existed.
I experienced several revelations about my binge eating behaviors during that time. I suddenly have clarity about my binge eating and feel more in control of it.
The reading I have done at this point is minimal. It is enough that I see with sudden intensity why I’ve been in a binge eating cycle for so long.
I binge eat because I want the calm I feel while I’m engaged in the activity of eating. I want that sensation of my brain disengaging and not spinning. I want the sense of peace I feel while my focus is on savoring each bite I eat.
Binge eating helps me avoid ‘bad’ feelings. It turns off my depression and my anxiety. It provides me with a momentary reprieve from thoughts about the Narcissist, narcissistic abuse, and my recovery. And if I truly overeat, the resulting discomfort preoccupies my mind for hours and sometimes longer.
I see this now and understanding it is the key to controlling it.
For the first time in a very long time, I have the ability to stop consuming when I reach the point of satiety. I have not overeaten even once.
I understand now that it’s not me who wants to keep eating; it’s my inner food demons.
My inner food demons are bullies and should not be listened to. I have successfully stood up to them three days in a row, each day in situations where I would normally do the opposite.
My Spoonful of Soul discusses using food to soothe emotional needs, and how to identify these tendencies and address the need for soul-soothing in other ways.
Never Binge Again takes a tougher approach, by encouraging standing up to the inner demons who try to bully you into engaging in unhealthy binge eating habits.
I’m finding both approaches helpful.
I am not setting up stricter food rules, as advised in Never Binge Again, but rather, am trying to avoid binge eating by eating more intuitively, as advised in My Spoonful of Soul.
I am not treating all of me with love and patience, though, as advised in My Spoonful of Soul. Rather, as advised in Never Binge Again, I am recognizing my inner demons as bullies that want to lead me down a harmful path.
Never Binge Again points out that the reasons these demons exist are worthy of love and efforts to heal, but the demons themselves are not.
It’s rather like the emotional boundaries one has to set with toxic people. I am learning to set appropriate boundaries with toxic parts of myself just as I do with people who are toxic.
My food demons, just like many toxic people I know, cannot be cut out of my life completely. I can, however, make effort to see them for what they are and emotionally distance myself accordingly.
I am excited. For the first time, I feel optimistic about healing my relationship with food and overcoming my binge eating tendencies and desires.
Is binge eating something you struggle with? Are there other resources you find useful that you would recommend I look into?