I am a Virgo Sun (Libra cusp), Leo Moon, Cancer rising. To those in the know about astrology, this describes many important things about my personality.
This is how I present to the world and who I am inside.
It also illuminates my strengths and my challenges as I recover from Narcissistic Abuse. These are the parts of me that the Narcissist could not strip away. This is the Core Self; what remained after the tearing apart of Self. This is what I was left with when I started my rebuild.
The Sun, Moon, and Rising signs describe one’s foundation. It is the basis for everything that makes up who one is.
Learning about it can kick off an intense period of self-discovery. If you’ve never run your chart and learned about your moon and rising (also called Ascendant) signs, I highly recommend doing so.
Finding your moon and rising signs
There are many free services that will run a chart for you. You will need the date, time, and location of birth.
I’m a long time fan of astrolabe (https://alabe.com/freechart/). It’s basic, easy, and provides the overview I’m looking for.
Lately, I’ve noticed cafe astrology (https://cafeastrology.com/free-natal-chart-report.html) as a worthy option, as well. Their offering provides much more detailed insight than astrolabe.
Throwing down the mask
Two days ago, I wrote a post that I shared with my Facebook friends. In it, I apologized for isolating myself over the past few months and asked for support as I continue on my current path.
One of my coworkers, I know not which one, wrote a beautiful comment that has moved me intensely. (The author included the name of our office building, which I’ve edited out for privacy purposes. That’s how I know a coworker wrote this, though.)
“YES!” the lioness in me cried. YES, that is me. That is how I fight.
I throw down the mask of “acceptable” behavior and I show myself as I am. I turn towards the sun and I welcome its embrace. With the mask on I am in the shadows and cold. With it off, the warmth of the sun bathes my skin and I am better equipped to heal.
My Leo Moon illuminates the way in which I approach my battles.
Moon in Leo
A therapist asked me recently what I would describe as the core of my strength.
With a small laugh and a shake of my wild, curly locks, I proudly started telling him about my Leo Moon.
My Leo is the roaring fire of a lioness, filled with strength and fury and out for a kill if a situation deems it necessary.
It is the part of me that knows I am deserving of respect and will not stand for less.
It is the part that keeps fighting. It is the part that flips off depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It throws off a false mask of happiness and contentment and fights. And it will keep fighting.
It is the part of me that goes into battle, ready to tear into enemies with teeth and claws, to once again feel safe and protected.
It is the part that longs to bask in the sun with her pride around her and will do whatever it takes to make that a reality.
Find Your Leo
For your sake, I hope you find something in your chart that does for you what my Leo Moon does for me. I hope You — yes, YOU — research your astrological chart and you find something that you recognize as the source of your strength.
I want for you that you figure out that unyielding part of yourself that the Narcissist could not reach.
I want you to think of that part any time you feel like the Narcissist won.
Remember what the Narcissist could not touch. Remember how the Narcissist tried to destroy it and how frustrated they were when it remained intact.
Remember what your feelings were about it at the time and recognize now how strong you are.
YOU COULD NOT BE BEATEN.
You are still here. You still exist and you are getting stronger by the day.
Did you run your chart? What did you find out? What can you take with you through the rest of your day, the rest of your life, that you can think on and pull from as a source of strength?
Build on what the Narcissist couldn’t take from you. Recognize how awesome those parts of your Self are. Expand on them and see what you’re able to become.
You survived someone trying to tear you apart. But they failed; you’re here and you’re reading this and you want to rebuild yourself.
What is it you want to become? What is in you that is ready to explode with positive growth?