Reflections After a Year of No Contact

I’m not healed yet, but I’m better than I once was.

A year ago yesterday I wrote a long post about having made it through the yuck and being able to go no contact. I published it here yesterday.

It’s been a full year of not having the Narcissist in my life but he’s still around me all the time. His voice remains in my head and I argue with him far more than is good or healthy.

A year ago, I promised myself I was going to get out and do more. I haven’t.

I was going to join running groups, choirs, take classes, get involved with the local Jewish community, and do tons of other things that would get me out of the house to meet people.

I’m moving slower than I thought I would in that regard. I haven’t done those things. I don’t have the energy or stamina at all.

What I have done is a lot of thinking and planning.

I’ve spent a lot of time relaxing and figuring out how to be me again; what that means and where I want to go in life.

I’ve spent time thinking about my ideal life and what it looks like, and how one might go about achieving it.

I’ve managed significant work upheaval that sapped my energy.

I’ve worked on healing.

No, I’m not healed yet. But I’m a hell of a lot better than I was.

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Our body's natural reaction to this type of stress is to release adrenaline (our fight or flight response). Unfortunately the narcissist has usually taught us that fighting is fruitless, they always win by whatever means necessary (including violence) and flight is impossible because they have made us believe we are unwanted, a burden and insane. Who the hell would want us?! So we are unable to respond as our bodies have been designed to. We stay and absorb their wrath. But the adrenaline hasn't gone anywhere. In fact, we live in a constant state of fear, waiting for the next explosion. This can cause extreme anxiety as well as physical ill health. The long term impact of prolonged adrenaline production can be heart attacks, high blood pressure and strokes. Victims will parrot the reasons for their ill-health just as the narcissist has told them to. And health care professionals take it all at face value. Not seeking to explore the connection between abuse and stress. So the victim goes away believing exactly what the narcissist has told them – that it is their fault and they are broken. So if you are suffering mentally and physically AND are subjected to narcissistic abuse, step back and take a logical look at what is really going on. The key to good health may not be the stash of pills you have been prescribed but rather making some changes closer to home. . . . . . . #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #trauma #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticrelationship #emotionalabuse #narcissistrecovery #traineepsychologist #psychologistinthemaking #balancepsychologies

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  1. I know our situations are totally different but I feel like I am moving through grief at a slower pace than I thought I would. I just try to remind myself that baby steps in the right directions are still steps in the right direction. We are healing one baby step at a time.

    1. We really are. This arbitrary goal of “I will be at this specific stage in resolving my grief at this specific time,” is ridiculous and serves nobody. We’re moving forward and that’s all that matters.

  2. “I’m moving slower than I thought”

    But you are moving. Healing is not linear nor does it proceed at a consistent pace. Every day you spend any energy at all being mindful and aware of your movement away from abuse is progress.

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