I’ve been very frustrated with my writing lately. Whenever I sit down to write I have a blog post as a goal. I’ve lost my ability to free-form write and get out what’s in my heart without thinking of an audience.
I know I’m not getting down first thoughts. I’m censoring myself. More importantly, I’m also not using my full vocabulary.
I’ve lost access to some part of my brain that thinks of the right words for me.
The Narcissist often didn’t understand words or phrasing I used and would get upset about it. I think I became aware of the need to speak to him as though he were a kindergartener and got way too used to softening my tone and my verbiage.
It’s not how I used to be. I used to write prolifically. I was opinionated and fiery. I used to challenge people and get feisty in my writing. At times I believe I may have even been quite funny.
It feels like that is gone now.
My edges are dulled. It’s discernible in the way I write. I am not sharp.
My cognitive function feels impaired. It’s like I’m thinking through mud. My mind feels cloudy and it is challenging to try to get thoughts out.
I’m dismayed when I pass my pieces through various readability tests and see my writing measured as being at a 4th-grade level. I know the generally recommended standard for blog posts is 7-8th grade and I continuously fail to get there.
To that end, I want to try to do more brain exercises. I’m trying to read more. I’d love to play more online Scrabble and do other word puzzles as well.
Does anyone have any other ideas for things I might try? I want to get my brain back into shape. I miss it.