Big! Emotions!

Fucking hormones. Ever since I started Wellbutrin I’m way more in touch with the emotional rollercoaster caused by them, which is great… Mostly.

Right now, I’m sitting with my cats enjoying my morning coffee and sobbing copiously over the most recent Hope for Paws video.

Other things I have also sobbed/had huge emotions about today and yesterday:

  • The guy I wrote about yesterday got in touch with me. He messaged me via OkCupid, thanked me for coming out, and gave me his phone number. That’s it. The intensity of my emotional response over this message was ridiculous. I practically hyperventilated.

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  • I had trouble making sense of something at work.
  • The Tupperware I grabbed out of the freezer yesterday morning for my lunch contained a different kind of soup than I thought.
  • A guy I went out with last week, while on the phone with me last night, didn’t once ask how I was doing or what I’d been up to, and instead regaled me with a 45 minute long comedy routine (in fairness, I think this one is rather legit to be a little bothered by. Kind of hard to be all that upset, though. It was pretty hilarious).
  • A different guy I went out with last week texted me the other day, and when I responded never wrote back. (Update: he texted this morning as I was writing this and we made plans for this weekend. Yes, I had huge emotions about it.)
  • My house is a mess. It’s unlikely I’ll do anything about it, but it’s very upsetting.
  • It’s cold out and I want to cuddle but I’m nowhere near that stage with any of the dudes I’m dating.

It’s all very intense. Every last one of these very small things is very intense.

That said, I’m having all these huge emotions but I’m not terribly upset by them, if that makes any sense. They’re happening. I’m acknowledging them and feeling them fully. I’m managing them just fine. They aren’t controlling me; they’re simply existing in me.

It’s new and very nice to have Big Emotions, and be able to observe them and chuckle at them a little.

“Oh you silly hormones. What is it you’re going to decide warrants a big feeling during this particular 5 minute spell?”

I see them. I feel them. I’m not twisted by them. I can even laugh at them a little. It’s new. It’s nice.

 

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