couple lying on beach

Online Dating: What are you looking for?

Actual communication with someone I’ve been messaging with. This was not his first message. In context, this was a perfectly appropriate question to ask, and I appreciate that it forced me to gain some clarity on the topic.


What are you looking for in a connection made on a dating site?


What an excellent question.

Let’s see how well I’m able to answer it first thing in the morning with only a few sips of coffee in me.

I joined because I realized I missed having men in my life. Men other than the dear friends I’ve known for years who are like brothers to me, I mean.

What I want is to be in love, but in a way that allows love without possession, without thinking a partner should be a person’s everything or insists love means being owned and limited.

I’m looking for something that is healthy and mature, where two secure, independent people stay present in a wonderful now without having goals/expectations for the relationship to change in the future.

I long for the spark you feel when there’s a mutual attraction with someone. The glow of liking someone and knowing they like you back. That something electric that floods your system when your phone lights up with a text from them.

And also, touch. When I first joined it had been a very long time since I’d experienced a physical connection with someone. I’m looking for that, as well.

That’s the type of connection I’m looking for. I don’t know if that describes a connection or something else, but it’s what’s flowed out of me first thing in the morning with only a few sips of coffee in me.

I feel like I should thank you for the writing prompt or something. This is probably a much longer answer than you anticipated… And I really have no idea if I’m telling you what you wanted to know or not.

(Message to reader: the response from the gentleman in question was wonderfully positive. I’ll likely grab drinks with him sometime next week.)


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