Still bummed about Chris

I looked at OkCupid yesterday and happened to notice my conversation with Chris is no longer there.

This means one of two things happened. Either he unmatched with me, or he has disabled his account.

My gut says it was the latter. My gut says his mother’s “health issues” are fact, not falsehood, and things are really bad.

On Saturday morning, before noticing he was no longer on OkCupid, I sent him one last text. As a reminder, he had texted me on Thursday to let me know his life had been thrown into turmoil. It was at this time that he asked to reschedule the plans we had made for Tuesday.

I replied that this was, of course, absolutely fine and said the appropriate good luck and hope she gets better soon things.

There was no response. I didn’t think there would be. In the midst of dealing with one’s mother having a major health crisis, prioritizing texting with some woman he’s been on one date with would be highly unlikely.

Two days later, though, it occurred to me (thanks to a comment on this blog) that it couldn’t hurt to reach out just to say I’m here if he did wish to maintain communication.

“Are you holding up okay? Absolutely no pressure, but I’m around if you want to talk. Or scream. Or just be distracted.”

I thought, perhaps, Chris might appreciate the sentiment, regardless of whether he winds up responding.

It felt like the right thing to do.

Now, however, I’ll have to try to put him out of my mind. He has not replied. I do not expect he will.

Particularly if he has disabled his OkCupid account… Or unmatched with me.

My gut is telling me this isn’t about me. This isn’t a rejection, per se. This isn’t another example of me not being wanted.

Rather, it’s simply a horrible situation and really unfortunate timing.

It still hurts, though. It’s still disappointing as hell.

I’ve archived our text conversation so I won’t see his name when I open my texting app unless, by some miracle, he does at some point send me a text. I don’t want regular reminders of his existence or the feelings of disappointment that accompany thoughts of him. I want to forget about him.

It was only a couple of weeks of chatting and one date, it’s true. And yet, I really liked this guy. For the first time in a very long time, I actually met someone I was excited about.

UPDATE: between the time of drafting and scheduling this post and the time of publish I did hear back from him. My level of shock is beyond description. More tomorrow.

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