I’m still struggling against wanting to lose weight and I’m frustrated by it.
On some level I know my break from dating is in part because I don’t feel good about my appearance. I don’t want to feel like crap about how I look while I try to date.
I want to feel confident and sexy. While I am large, I don’t.
I don’t understand why I think being large is fine for other people but I can’t accept it in myself. I can’t reconcile this. And I hate how I judge myself for being big.
It feels like a failure, to dislike my size. And yet feeling I am this large feels like a failure, too.
It’s all very confusing and I’ve yet to make any headway with it.
However, it’s been a good week. I saw friends a couple of times. I tracked food intake every day and was within my calorie goals every day (although I’m still struggling to eat enough protein). I maintained good exercise habits.
Work was good this week, too. My VP returned on Monday after a month away and was impressed with my leadership and everything the team accomplished while he was gone.
Plus, there is a long weekend ahead and a social activities I am looking forward to.
Life is good. My biggest struggle right now is judging myself for disliking my body. This is a good thing.
Life is good.