You Can’t Go Back [update]

I still think about those early mornings when I worked in the coffee shop often. Getting on the subway before the sun was up when it was still pitch black out. Emerging from the subway tunnel to the first rays of sunrise. Walking through downtown as the day became slightly brighter, bit by bit. Feeling the beginnings of the day’s humidity, while enjoying the only time of day that wouldn’t be stifling hot.

You Can’t Go Back

Recently, I shifted my work hours so I would have afternoons free. Thus, I am going into the office very early these days.

I had forgotten the intensity of the joy I feel in leaving the house before the sunrise. One of the more pleasant things about having a terrible memory is so much of what I experience every day winds up being a delightful surprise.

It’s not the same as sunset, which is marred by the multitudes of people streaming in and out of one’s peripheral vision. It’s a magic only a few get to see. It’s magical and sacred because it is private, meant only for those hearty few who are up early enough to witness it.

You Can’t Go Back

In only a couple more weeks, I will, from my seat at my desk, bear witness to the first rays of the sun peeking over the horizon. As is, I see it as I drive to work, and that is splendid, too.

After I arrive at work, I brew the first pot of coffee of the day. My coworkers would likely laugh to know how much satisfaction I derive from this small act. I doubt I would ever be able to explain that it is, in some sense, a dream come true to take on that task.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when I went to bed at 8 and woke up at 4, and took the subway into the city, set up a display case with pastries and brewed the first batch of coffee of the day.

You Can’t Go Back

Yes, it’s rather odd to work hours this early only because of my strange love of sunrise. I’m sure my friends are quite sick of seeing the photos I take when I arrive at work.

I can’t help it. Each early morning I witness is so breathtaking and joy-filled for me, that I can’t help but want to share.

Who knew I would be so deliriously happy getting to work so ridiculously early? If I had any notion keeping these hours would delight me so, I would have started doing it years ago.

There were things from the past that I longed for with all my heart and thought were completely out of my grasp. I had no idea they were right in front of me for the taking. They had been there all along.

Featured Photo by luizclas from Pexels

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