Sometimes I worry about how my life might appear to others if I really let people in and allowed them to see the reality of my day-to-day.
My life makes me so happy, though.
Take today, for example.
I woke up with my alarm at 5:15 and stumbled into the kitchen. Last night, I set up the coffeemaker on a timer, as I do every night. Coffee is always freshly brewed and ready to be poured when I wake. Except for today, that is. I forgot to put water in the coffeemaker last night. That was easily remedied, though, and it wasn’t long before I had a hot cup of coffee in hand.
While the coffee brewed, I fried up some eggs.
By 6:00 I was sufficiently fed and caffeinated to manage bathing myself. At 6:45 I left the house and headed to work. It’s a short commute. I got to my desk at 7:05.
It was a fairly average workday. I left at 2:30 for a 3:00 therapy appointment. Therapy was fairly dull, at it has been most times recently. There simply isn’t much I need help with right now.
By 4:00 I was at home, and by 4:15 I was wearing my favorite flannel pajamas. They’re the light blue ones with the reindeer faces all over them. They’re comfy and fabulous.
And now, I am sitting on my couch in my pajamas with my laptop and a cup of hot cocoa, writing this post.
Soon, I will go sit in my leather chaise in front of the TV and continue making my way through Schitt’s Creek. I’ll curl up under the huge cozy blanket I leave there year-round even though it’s Christmas-themed and a bit ridiculous to leave out year-round. The cats and I love it. Even now they are sitting on it, looking at me and waiting patiently for me to join them for cuddles and TV time.
At some point later in the evening, I’ll heat up the container of chicken taco chili I took out of the freezer a little while ago. I have the ingredients to make pork and shrimp egg roll bowls, but I forgot to defrost the shrimp and I don’t really feel like cooking anyway. I’ll cook that tomorrow. (Recipes can be found here.)
And then at around 9:00, I’ll turn the TV off, and by 9:30 will be in bed, asleep.
This is my life.
It’s not an exciting life. It’s not the life I thought I would lead at age 43. I thought I would have children. I thought my days would be full of the chaos and bustle of a family and activities and always needing to go somewhere, do something, feed someone.
I am so grateful that is not my life. While I know those of you with kids say you wouldn’t trade them for anything, on some level, do you envy me a little?
Because I must admit, if I had the life I thought I was going to have, I am sure I would sometimes crave a day just like today. A day of doing nothing but thinking about myself, taking care of my own needs, resting and relaxing and feeling no stress about any of the things that need to get done. I can do them tomorrow. Or over the weekend. I don’t have a life full of heavy obligations. I can get things done at my own pace, as it pleases me.
Sometimes I worry about how my life might appear to others. I am in my mid-40s, single, and I live alone with two cats.
I have a roommate but he stays with his girlfriend 99% of the time. For all intents and purposes, I live alone.
My social life is delightfully tame; I see friends a few times a week, but for the most part, the activities we engage in are mellow and peaceful.
To an outsider, it might appear a sad life. No family. No romance. No excitement. Just me and two cats.
To me, it’s heavenly.