You want to stop spending so much. You even wrote a post about it the other day (Financial solutions and headway disorientation update). And yet you went to Sephora and spent $90 today, for no real reason.
You intended to just go and get a sample of a foundation. You’ve gotten sick of tinted moisturizer. You want a real foundation, one with more coverage than a tinted moisturizer provides. You want the brown spots that have appeared as you’ve aged hidden from the world and various other very normal things about your skin disguised under makeup.
Doing so will make you feel pretty. You want to feel pretty again. You haven’t felt pretty in a while. You enjoyed a natural makeup look through the summer, but now it’s fall and you want something different.
So, you go to Sephora, steeling yourself for conversations you’ll inevitably have to have with employees in order to obtain the foundation sample you seek.
You hate talking to Sephora employees. You don’t want to know about the latest this, that, or the other. You don’t want to be led to different areas of the store so they can show you whatever new product they are excited about (or have been tasked with selling more of).
You walk in, you smile at the greeter, you find the Urban Decay products. You find the foundation your friend recommended. You select the bottle that looks like the best color match and you dab a little along your jaw to make sure you’ve chosen correctly.
And suddenly… oh my. There you are again. You remember how you look without the brown spots, without the redness and uneven tone, with your skin looking bright and fresh as if you were 23 again even though you’ll never be 23 again and you really wish you were the type of person who could accept the way you look naturally.
You wish you could proudly accept that you’re 43 and the way you look is what 43 looks like.
Alas, you are not that person. You are someone who has fallen victim to societal pressures to look a specific way and you enjoy looking that way. You enjoy succeeding in accomplishing the facade of normalcy.
You enjoy thinking you look beautiful. You enjoy feeling like your appearance bears some resemblance to the images in the magazines (do they still make magazines?) and on TV. It is something that is important to you, whether you like it about yourself or not.
The box for the foundation you’ve tested isn’t hard to find. You take it in your hand and realize how much easier this will be. You won’t have to talk to anyone to ask for a sample. You’ll be able to simply buy the product and go home.
The box stays in your hand as you meander through the rest of the Urban Decay section of the store. You spot a matching concealer for the foundation you’ve tried. You dab a bit of it on as well and then grab the box containing a tube of the concealer shade you like. And then you notice a brow gel you’ve heard good things about…
Before you know it, you’ve spent $90. You tell yourself you can return these things if you don’t like them but you know you won’t return these things. If you don’t like them, you will exchange them for versions of them that may work better for you.
You realize you’re enjoying wanting to look pretty. You see it as a sign you’re feeling better, feeling happier, feeling more optimistic about what your future holds.
You’ve felt down for a long time. But as soon as Labor Day passed, your mood lifted. You’re excited about fall, about the upcoming holiday season, about festivity and gatherings and cozy nights crying over cheesy romantic Christmas movies while scented candles are lit and you drink a little too much red wine and you admire the tree you’ve decorated glowing in the corner if your living room.
You can’t wait. You know exactly what the holiday season has in store and you can’t wait.
You also know you won’t need to dress up for anything. Everyone you will see will be old friends, people you could happily meet up with while wearing pajamas if you chose, and nobody would care. You don’t need makeup. Nobody needs makeup, but particularly you, who won’t have cause to dress up at all, who won’t have an occasion where it might be nice to feel fancy.
And yet, you want makeup. You want to wear makeup. You want to feel pretty, every day, just for yourself, regardless of what events or non-events any particular day might hold.
You know you really shouldn’t spend the money. But, you do. Feeling pretty makes you happy. You wish it didn’t. You judge yourself for it.
It’s fact, though. Makeup makes you feel pretty, and feeling pretty makes you happy.
And you deserve to be happy. It’s okay to do that thing that makes you feel joy. Even if you think it’s silly. Even if you wish you didn’t like it so much. Even if it costs just a little more than you would like to spend this month.
Cling to happiness, wherever it can be found. Grab it, hold it close, and enjoy the ever-loving hell out of it.