Every February, it begins. The Nothing creeps into my soul. It starts slowly. It’s an empty, vacant, horror that nags at the corners of my being.
“But it’s February,” I think. “Nobody likes February.”
And then March comes, and April, and there are a few nice days when the sun sparkles and the early flowers start to bloom, and I think maybe, just maybe, things will be okay.
As the weather warms, the Nothing spreads.
I lose my hopes. I forget my dreams. And the Nothing grows stronger.
Summer is spent in despair. Hating myself. Hating my life. Crying.
And then, fall. With the onset of Autumn my spirit lifts.
Now, though, is the end of January. The good months have come and gone. February looms closer, and with it, the downturn will begin.
I feel it within me. I feel the Nothing starting to grow.
The only way I can think of to keep the Nothing at bay is to keep busy. Find things to do that make me feel accomplished. Do things that make me feel I’m moving forward, working towards goals, advancing myself, advancing my life.
But I can’t think of anything I can immerse myself in like that. I finished my big project. Now, I am at a loss.
And, slowly, the Nothing will continue to grow.
(Update: I wrote this post yesterday evening and scheduled it to publish this morning. In the interim, I had some ideas about things to get started on. More on that tomorrow.)