Day 32: February begins

February. My annual countdown to changing the clocks has begun. It’ll be thirty-five more days, in case you were curious. The early nightfall is adorable and lovely through the holiday season, but come February I’m ready for, at minimum, one more hour of daylight in the evening.

February and I have a brutal history. It’s when seasonal depression returns, and it typically continues to worsen up until the end of August. I’m determined to break this cycle and make things better for myself this year.

Every February, it begins. The Nothing creeps into my soul. It starts slowly. It’s an empty, vacant, horror that nags at the corners of my being.

A Twist On Life, “Day 28: The Nothing

Yesterday, the 1st, was exhausting and fantastic. In my quest to keep busy, I rather wound up doing a bit too much and wearing myself out. Whoops. I was so productive, though!

I woke up early, had coffee and breakfast, did my PT exercises, went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for a while, came home, showered, got laundry going, cleaned the kitchen and started the dishwasher, cleaned both bathrooms, unf*cked my bedroom closet, and even put all the clean laundry away.

And then I opened a bottle of red wine and poured an extremely large congratulatory glass for myself before sitting down to read for a while.

Relaxing with kitty cuddles and wine is heavenly.

There was also an unanticipated success, somewhat unrelated to productivity.

At around 2:00 I was feeling tired and ready to call it a day, and I realized it might be because I was hungry. I’m not very good at being in touch with my hunger, but it’s something I’ve been working on.

“Huh, perhaps I need to eat something,” entering my brain rather than, “Welp, guess I’m not capable of as much as normal people,” is pretty cool. It shows me I’m getting better about understanding when my body needs nourishment vs other states of being. Also, I saw my state as a solvable problem instead of judging it as a character failure. Yay, me!

I had a snack (a baked sweet potato with butter, yum), and immediately felt better. I wasn’t even planning to do the closet, but once I had energy again I decided to get started. And once I got going, it felt as though it made sense to just finish it.

Thus, instead of finishing for the day and sitting down to relax at 2:00, I was able to keep going until 6.

I forgot to take a before photo of the closet, but all a photo would have shown was a bunch of clothes on hangers. The problem wasn’t one that would have been obvious in a photo.

The issue was that most of the clothing that should have been in my closet wasn’t in there. Hangers are my nemesis and under bed storage is too much fuss to deal with. Thus, clothing that doesn’t fit in my bureau (sweaters, jeans, and other pants) was usually in a laundry basket on the floor until getting worn.

Hanging closet organizers are going to be a game changer for me. I’ll be able to put clothes away just by folding them.

(Sidebar: am I the last person on the planet to realize how awesome folding boards are? I’m seriously loving how easily I can fold all my clothes into uniform sizes now that I have one. My drawers, and now these hanging closet organizers, are so much easier to manage now.)

However, having done so much yesterday has me feeling wiped out today.

I think spending some quiet time with a book and some kitty cuddles might be good for me today. It seems finding a happy medium with this “staying active” thing might be my next challenge in this process.

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