Yesterday’s accomplishment was realizing I need to find balance as I fight the Nothing (which is what I’ve started calling the Spring through Summer seasonal depression that starts hitting me in February of every year).
In my quest to fight the Nothing, I’ve learned I need to stay busy.
First, I tried to seek out a big project to immerse myself in, and I started to panic when I couldn’t immediately think of one. Then, I realized I didn’t need a big project. Anything works to stave off the Nothing. As long as I’m doing anything at all, I’m not giving in to Nothing.
The problem is how easily one can fall into a trap of being constantly active, forgetting that some downtime is essential to one’s well-being. Staying active 100% of one’s waking hours is going to result in a crash. Doing nothing is necessary while one recovers from a crash. And Nothing loves taking advantage of a weakened state.
This is why, after a super productive day 32, I opted to do very little yesterday.
I didn’t go for a walk as I’d planned to do. I didn’t do the housework I’d thought I’d get done.
Instead, I laid low all morning. I reorganized my spice cabinet, because that’s something I wanted to get done and I knew it wouldn’t take long, but that was kind of it for productivity.
(As an aside, I realized I have a spice-hoarding issue. The entire top shelf of my spice cabinet is backups of other items so I don’t have to worry about running out. I’ve now vowed to stop this habit because it’s clearly gotten ridiculous. The supermarket is literally 5 minutes away and I’m really good at adding things to my weekly grocery list when I’m close to running out. I do not need to have so many duplicates on hand!)
After completing that small task, I sat in my recliner with Abigail in my lap and fucked around on my phone for a couple of hours until it was time to head out to a Superbowl gathering.
It was a nice time with a small group of friends and acquaintances and I’m glad I went. Plus, OMG, my friend’s cats and dogs are the absolute cutest and I adore visiting all of them.
And now, it’s Monday morning. Usually Mondays are horrible, but because I woke up early both weekend days, I’m awake at my usual weekday time without issue.
I’m proud of all I accomplished all weekend and I’m ready to take on my week. So far, keeping busy is helping me fight the Nothing. I’m feeling hopeful about winning this battle, and my ability to find good balance between activity and recharging.