Day 53: Boundaries

I was laid off from my job of 14 years last week and my energy and brain-space are intense right now. I feel floaty. There are so many big things I know I should be doing, but even the various little things require a lot more energy than usual.

“Protect Your Yes” basically just means, have appropriate boundaries. Make sure you’re taking adequate care of yourself. Don’t over-commit yourself.

I feel like I’m doing well with that during this period of turmoil.

Forgetfulness is something we all suffer on occasion; those of us with ADHD perhaps more than others. Right now, though, I’m taking it to an entirely new-to-me level. From one millisecond to the next, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.

As an example, I’m having a much harder time than usual thinking of the right words for things. I try to take notes and organize all my swirling thoughts, but when I try to put them into list format I realize I can’t remember what anything is called and can’t determine how to describe any of the tasks I know I must do.

I am very proud of the emotional regulation I am engaging in around these things. I understand my brain is in the midst of some sort of panic response, and getting upset about it is not going to be helpful. I’m just doing the best I can, and I’m sure my best will improve as I align myself with this new reality. My brain will slow down soon, I’m sure.

In the meantime, though, I can own to myself that it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting and I don’t have energy for most anything else. I haven’t left the house for anything except appointments, errands, and the gym since the night I was let go. I had a friend over one evening and that was it.

I have recognized the need to protect my yes.

I know there are people who want to see me, hug me, be there for me, and I appreciate it greatly. I also know I’m not doing well. Conversation isn’t something that is coming easily to me. It is hard work to stay present.

It is tiring, and it uses energy that I feel I should be hoarding to use on the Big Important Things.

It feels like my income for my energy levels have been cut as harshly as my monetary income has been, and I only have so much in savings I can use. I have to maintain a strict budget with my energy expenditures for a little while. I can’t afford to go into a deficit. There is too much on the line.

So, I’ll continue protecting my Yes. I recognize I only have so many of them to spare right now.

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