Day 82: Shit’s Getting Real

Yesterday was the day the COVID-19 pandemic started to impact me in a more personal way. I hope not many of us have that happen, but yesterday was that day for me.

I can’t dig too deeply into what is going on. Other people’s stories are theirs to tell, not mine. Suffice it to say, an old friend tested positive. And, more jarring, someone else had to make the difficult decision to not get an important, life saving medical procedure done.

They and their support network decided it would be more risky to go to the appointment than it would be to stay at home. The medical issue is a death sentence if left untreated indefinitely. It took far longer than it should have to get it diagnosed, and another 8 weeks after that to get this appointment. It is unlikely they will book another. They are in pain.

My emotions are enormous but I have no real outlet for them except this blog and my workouts. Even here, I struggle most of the time to express the terror that grips me. It’s buried deep within, as my emotions often are. Outwardly, I know I appear calmer than I feel.

Workouts, on the other hand, are furious and I’m glad for it. I throw myself into them fully and release all my pent-up anger and frustration there. It would be bizarre if at the end of being in social isolation for a pandemic for some period of time, I wound up incredibly fit.

They’re a great part of a daily routine, though, and daily routines are what’s keeping me grounded and sane. Because, truly, none of this is okay, and all of it is scary, and whatever we can do to achieve some semblance of normalcy is a beautiful thing.

Stay safe, all. And don’t be a dick. If there’s any way you can, just stay the fuck at home.

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