It appears I like brandy. This is a surprise to me. I recall having tried brandy before, with eggnog. The Narcissist was a huge fan and would always have some of each in the house at this time of year. I tried it but never developed a taste for it. One of the friends who … Continue reading Surprise! I like brandy.
There is a new man in my life. I haven't spoken of him yet, mostly because I haven't been able to figure out how. But I've also been keeping quiet because I feel a great amount of shame around allowing him into my world. His name is Dick. I'm not sure when we met or … Continue reading Introducing: My Next Boyfriend
I am afraid of dating and romance. I am hiding myself away for fear of experiencing more hurt. I trust myself to heal from emotional pain. I've done it to varying degrees dozens of times. The difference now, and the thing that's bothering me, is this: I don't want to. The only possible outcome of … Continue reading Romance: The Ultimate Fantasy
I dreamed about Dan last night. I haven't thought of him in years. I'm feeling weepy now as I make my breakfast. The dream felt so real. He was married and had two small daughters, around 7 and 3. Both were with him when he and I bumped into each other. He and I hugged … Continue reading Dreams of Dan
Today is day 4 of avoiding tomatoes and I'm feeling a ton better. Not 100%, but much better than I was. I think I might also be feeling a bit lonely for male companionship. I saw Cookie last Thursday and his hugs may have triggered something. Some memory of how nice it is to feel … Continue reading Thoughts on trying to date again
Had drinks with Cookie after work yesterday. Hadn't seen him in a while and it was a lovely catch up. It was also my first time having a drink in almost two weeks, and I was amused as hell to find two glasses of wine made me slightly loopy. Fun times, though! We parted ways … Continue reading Cookie and weight loss. What a fun combination!
I keep thinking about dating. I have a feeling I will wind up signing back up for OkCupid sometime in the near future.The main thing stopping me is that I'm actually quite happy with how I'm spending my time these days. The idea of trying to fit in spending time with a guy doesn't have … Continue reading Dating vs being a crazy cat lady
I'll preface this by saying Plum Dating is in no way compensating me for signing up for the Plum Dating app or writing this review. Nobody at Plum Dating even knows I exist. I am simply a woman who has a lot of experience with dating apps and who was interested in the development and … Continue reading I tried the Plum Dating App. Here’s how it went.
It's now been a couple of weeks since I made the decision to put attempts at dating on pause for a little while. At first, the decision felt terrific. It was strong and empowering to recognize things weren't working. Taking a step back to regroup seemed like a reasonable idea. It was just one date. … Continue reading Which Feels Worse: Dating or Not Dating?
It was just one date. One date, a few weeks of messaging, and the hope of finding some joy in each other for a while. That hope is now gone. So it goes sometimes. My Nana used to say, "Oh well. Next!" It always made me laugh. She meant, I'm sure, that it's time to … Continue reading I break for joy
I received the following in a text from Chris yesterday: "I'm sorry but I have to cancel again. I'm just getting the feeling that my life is too messy to make plans right now. I'm sorry for being such a flake." And thus the burgeoning romance ends. Was it something I did? Something I said? … Continue reading “We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
Chris and I are going out again on Thursday and he's sending all the right signals. He's looking forward to seeing me. He can't wait. He's sorry it's taken so long. When I thought I might not hear from him and we might not have a second date I was sad but able to handle … Continue reading I’ll have the romance with the anxiety on the side, please
Therapy was really good this week. One of the many points discussed was how much I hate how badly I wish I had men in my life right now. I don't want to be someone who hates being alone. Dating should be a lovely extra in life, icing on a cake, so to speak. I've … Continue reading There’s no shame in loneliness (but I’m excited about a date with Chris anyway)
Old Self would have problem-solved these feelings of sadness I've been experiencing in recent months far better than New Self is doing. Old Self would have come up with a game plan and concrete action steps. Old Self would have project managed the shit out of it. New Self has this idea that the activities … Continue reading Depression and Exercise
Chris texted me. I'm floored to have heard from him and am struggling to think of a response. His message popped up on my phone yesterday afternoon. I'm doing pretty good. Thank you for asking. My sibs are in town now, so, sort of a shit show here :). Mom is suffering from kidney troubles, … Continue reading A Text from Chris