Autumn is a new beginning. Not just because of the ingrained rhythm of the beginning of the school year, but also, the Jewish New Year and my birthday. Everything starts fresh in autumn. Plus, autumn brings cooler temperatures and clothing styles I am more comfortable in. Nothing puts me in a good mood quite like … Continue reading Glad To Live in a World with Octobers
Depression/Anxiety
Anxious Happiness: How Long Will It Last?
It's counterintuitive to be afraid of being in a good mood. I know for other people, being in a good mood is just a normal thing. For me, it comes so rarely that it causes anxiety. I know that it is a fleeting thing. I don't know how long it is going to last. Inevitably, … Continue reading Anxious Happiness: How Long Will It Last?
On exercise, depression, anxiety, and laziness
When I rose out of bed I ditched my lightweight summer nightgown and threw on a favorite pair of fleece pajamas. There is a cozy blanket on me, too. It's delightful. It's also not at all what I should be doing.
Anxiety About Pressure
This image was posted in a travel group I belong to and it struck a chord in a huge way: It's me! My "low tire pressure" light on my dash has been on for a few days now and I can't bring myself to do a thing about it. Seriously. The idea of putting some … Continue reading Anxiety About Pressure
Is There Such A Thing As Narcissistic Abuse Recovery?
Is there such a thing as recovery from Narcissistic Abuse? Is it even possible? I keep thinking I'm there and that I've recovered. I've posted about it. I've had long periods of time where I thought I might be back to normal again. I wrote a post about journaling a couple of weeks ago. I … Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Narcissistic Abuse Recovery?
“We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
I received the following in a text from Chris yesterday: "I'm sorry but I have to cancel again. I'm just getting the feeling that my life is too messy to make plans right now. I'm sorry for being such a flake." And thus the burgeoning romance ends. Was it something I did? Something I said? … Continue reading “We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
A Relief From Responsibilities
Every year in July, my company holds a conference. Clients fly in from around the world for three days of lectures, workshops, training, and food and entertainment. For eight or so years, it's been my responsibility to run one of the three arms of the conference. Organizing the sessions and the presenters, getting clients to … Continue reading A Relief From Responsibilities
Day 17: Getting To Chamonix-Mont-Blanc By Train Is Not For The Weak
Getting from Lyon to Chamonix by train was no laughing matter, and today's anxiety attacks proved it. My excitement about getting up into the Alps was sky high (heh), but to get here required four different trains. Two of the transfers were less than 5 minutes each. I was nervous as hell about this, and … Continue reading Day 17: Getting To Chamonix-Mont-Blanc By Train Is Not For The Weak
Depression and Exercise
Old Self would have problem-solved these feelings of sadness I've been experiencing in recent months far better than New Self is doing. Old Self would have come up with a game plan and concrete action steps. Old Self would have project managed the shit out of it. New Self has this idea that the activities … Continue reading Depression and Exercise
A Text from Chris
Chris texted me. I'm floored to have heard from him and am struggling to think of a response. His message popped up on my phone yesterday afternoon. I'm doing pretty good. Thank you for asking. My sibs are in town now, so, sort of a shit show here :). Mom is suffering from kidney troubles, … Continue reading A Text from Chris
Struggles with Body Positivity and Meeting Christopher Gorham
I'm incredibly nervous about meeting Christopher Gorham. I'm convinced he won't want to get to know me, primarily because I have become so fat.
Anxiety Trigger: My Brother’s Wedding
Anxiety Trigger: My Brother's Wedding. When I first learned of my brother's engagement, I collapsed and had a sobbing fit. It was awful. This weekend is the wedding and I am not doing well.
Fear of Writing While Depressed
Suppressed emotions during depression cause a fear of writing. Depression and writer's block go hand-in-hand. It isn't until the suppressed emotions are uncovered and addressed that a depressive spell lifts and writing can begin again.
Finally, No Contact
It's been eight months since the day he threatened violence if I didn't obey him, and since the day I ended our relationship. Two days ago, I was finally able to go no contact.
Solo Travel: Crushing Loneliness
With solo travel comes a type of loneliness that is freeing, but crushing. The need for connection is biological. It's how we're wired. And we wind up lacking it.