Is there such a thing as recovery from Narcissistic Abuse? Is it even possible? I keep thinking I'm there and that I've recovered. I've posted about it. I've had long periods of time where I thought I might be back to normal again. I wrote a post about journaling a couple of weeks ago. I … Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Narcissistic Abuse Recovery?
It's been eight months since the day he threatened violence if I didn't obey him, and since the day I ended our relationship. Two days ago, I was finally able to go no contact.
On this day in 2017: 8am: Set self up on couch, start work. 10:00am: Leave for escrow company to go sign the deed to the house over to the ex. 10:30am: Have breakdown at escrow company, force a lovely and very kind escrow company employee to suffer through a crazy woman's sobbing fit and inability … Continue reading Two years removed
A wallop right in the gut hit me out of the blue the other day. Exactly two years prior, the Narcissist and I agreed on the terms for him buying me out of our house. The Facebook memory brought memories of the stress and emotional anguish that followed. It was only the first milestone … Continue reading Celebrating Past Successes
At the beginning of a relationship, things should feel good. If something feels off, it's worth noticing.
Two years ago today is when the balance of power with the #exN started to shift. Man, did it feel good.
If they tried to assert their dominance like they used to, you wouldn't care anymore. You would see them for who they are; a scared, frightened, cowardly soul who is unable to confront the reality of their existence.
It's sad, and yet I suppose not terribly surprising, that I'm not used to an appropriate reaction to, "Something you do is hurting my feelings."
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.
Instead of, “Hey, this is nice. How lovely,” the heart screams, “Let’s think about how awful it will feel if this ends.”
"Are you okay? Your voice... You sounded a little tired or something. I thought I heard a little sigh there." I joked, "Well, so much for me having an acting career."
For the first time in ages, I have a Saturday with nothing on my calendar. One of the things that kept me so busy recently was a writing workshop on Creative Nonfiction. It was absolutely a delight, but it was also emotionally draining. The primary piece I submitted for critique was a longer, more thorough … Continue reading Regrets
After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your … Continue reading Love Doesn’t Mean Leaning
The date of my London and Ireland trip quickly approaches and with it, some nasty anxiety about seeing the Galway Guy. After 20 years of flirtatious banter, I am not wholly surprised that I am experiencing some nervousness about seeing him face to face. The tone of the nervousness is one that I recognize and … Continue reading PTSD and the Galway Guy
The Narcissist told me I was nothing. He led me to believe I was unintelligent, lacked motivation, wasn't attractive or sexy, wasn't pleasant to be around. He succeeded, for a long time. Until I started wondering why he needed to battle me so. #Narcissist