Today is day 4 of avoiding tomatoes and I'm feeling a ton better. Not 100%, but much better than I was. I think I might also be feeling a bit lonely for male companionship. I saw Cookie last Thursday and his hugs may have triggered something. Some memory of how nice it is to feel … Continue reading Thoughts on trying to date again
I spent my Friday night reading and listening to the sound of rain pounding down outside my windows. No screens. No music. No TV. (Benefits of a Digital or Screen Detox for ADHD Symptoms) Just the tap tap tap tap tap of raindrops on the metal of my oven vent and the shhhhh of water … Continue reading Appreciating Stillness
I still have conversations in my head with the exN a lot. (exN = the narcissistic ex-partner, otherwise referred to as, "the Narcissist.") Often, I inadvertently fantasize about having to deal with him in some situation or another. Perhaps, he's sick. Or perhaps, it's some other reason. Somehow, he's in need and it's on me … Continue reading Story ideas: imagined interactions
Day of joy post: June 13, 2017 I am unpacking in my new home. My things have been in storage for two months. It has been two months since I left the home we owned together and moved in with my friends. And now, I am in my new condo, and I am making my … Continue reading The Horrible Hilarious Herb Scissors Happenstance
Is there such a thing as recovery from Narcissistic Abuse? Is it even possible? I keep thinking I'm there and that I've recovered. I've posted about it. I've had long periods of time where I thought I might be back to normal again. I wrote a post about journaling a couple of weeks ago. I … Continue reading Is There Such A Thing As Narcissistic Abuse Recovery?
It's been eight months since the day he threatened violence if I didn't obey him, and since the day I ended our relationship. Two days ago, I was finally able to go no contact.
On this day in 2017: 8am: Set self up on couch, start work. 10:00am: Leave for escrow company to go sign the deed to the house over to the ex. 10:30am: Have breakdown at escrow company, force a lovely and very kind escrow company employee to suffer through a crazy woman's sobbing fit and inability … Continue reading Two years removed
A wallop right in the gut hit me out of the blue the other day. Exactly two years prior, the Narcissist and I agreed on the terms for him buying me out of our house. The Facebook memory brought memories of the stress and emotional anguish that followed. It was only the first milestone … Continue reading Celebrating Past Successes
At the beginning of a relationship, things should feel good. If something feels off, it's worth noticing.
Two years ago today is when the balance of power with the #exN started to shift. Man, did it feel good.
If they tried to assert their dominance like they used to, you wouldn't care anymore. You would see them for who they are; a scared, frightened, cowardly soul who is unable to confront the reality of their existence.
It's sad, and yet I suppose not terribly surprising, that I'm not used to an appropriate reaction to, "Something you do is hurting my feelings."
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.
Instead of, “Hey, this is nice. How lovely,” the heart screams, “Let’s think about how awful it will feel if this ends.”
"Are you okay? Your voice... You sounded a little tired or something. I thought I heard a little sigh there." I joked, "Well, so much for me having an acting career."