It’s been a shit few years or so. 2019 is the first one that’s ending on a true, sustainable upswing. It’s Thanksgiving week, and I am thinking of all the things for which I am thankful. A friend commented the other day that 2019 has been the year of Suzanne, and I realized she was … Continue reading Thanksgiving and taking stock of 2019
There is a new man in my life. I haven't spoken of him yet, mostly because I haven't been able to figure out how. But I've also been keeping quiet because I feel a great amount of shame around allowing him into my world. His name is Dick. I'm not sure when we met or … Continue reading Introducing: My Next Boyfriend
I am afraid of dating and romance. I am hiding myself away for fear of experiencing more hurt. I trust myself to heal from emotional pain. I've done it to varying degrees dozens of times. The difference now, and the thing that's bothering me, is this: I don't want to. The only possible outcome of … Continue reading Romance: The Ultimate Fantasy
Today is day 4 of avoiding tomatoes and I'm feeling a ton better. Not 100%, but much better than I was. I think I might also be feeling a bit lonely for male companionship. I saw Cookie last Thursday and his hugs may have triggered something. Some memory of how nice it is to feel … Continue reading Thoughts on trying to date again
I keep thinking about dating. I have a feeling I will wind up signing back up for OkCupid sometime in the near future.The main thing stopping me is that I'm actually quite happy with how I'm spending my time these days. The idea of trying to fit in spending time with a guy doesn't have … Continue reading Dating vs being a crazy cat lady
I'm still struggling against wanting to lose weight and I'm frustrated by it. On some level I know my break from dating is in part because I don't feel good about my appearance. I don't want to feel like crap about how I look while I try to date. I want to feel confident and … Continue reading Friday joy and emotional struggles with size loss
I'll preface this by saying Plum Dating is in no way compensating me for signing up for the Plum Dating app or writing this review. Nobody at Plum Dating even knows I exist. I am simply a woman who has a lot of experience with dating apps and who was interested in the development and … Continue reading I tried the Plum Dating App. Here’s how it went.
It's now been a couple of weeks since I made the decision to put attempts at dating on pause for a little while. At first, the decision felt terrific. It was strong and empowering to recognize things weren't working. Taking a step back to regroup seemed like a reasonable idea. It was just one date. … Continue reading Which Feels Worse: Dating or Not Dating?
It's Friday, which means it's time to take stock of this past week and think about the good things the week brought. It's a feel-good exercise to help me enter the weekend with positive intentions. So, here's my "joyful things" list for this week. Feel free to post yours in the comments below. Lack of … Continue reading Friday Joy: 8/2/19
It was just one date. One date, a few weeks of messaging, and the hope of finding some joy in each other for a while. That hope is now gone. So it goes sometimes. My Nana used to say, "Oh well. Next!" It always made me laugh. She meant, I'm sure, that it's time to … Continue reading I break for joy
I received the following in a text from Chris yesterday: "I'm sorry but I have to cancel again. I'm just getting the feeling that my life is too messy to make plans right now. I'm sorry for being such a flake." And thus the burgeoning romance ends. Was it something I did? Something I said? … Continue reading “We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
Chris and I are going out again on Thursday and he's sending all the right signals. He's looking forward to seeing me. He can't wait. He's sorry it's taken so long. When I thought I might not hear from him and we might not have a second date I was sad but able to handle … Continue reading I’ll have the romance with the anxiety on the side, please
Therapy was really good this week. One of the many points discussed was how much I hate how badly I wish I had men in my life right now. I don't want to be someone who hates being alone. Dating should be a lovely extra in life, icing on a cake, so to speak. I've … Continue reading There’s no shame in loneliness (but I’m excited about a date with Chris anyway)
Chris texted me. I'm floored to have heard from him and am struggling to think of a response. His message popped up on my phone yesterday afternoon. I'm doing pretty good. Thank you for asking. My sibs are in town now, so, sort of a shit show here :). Mom is suffering from kidney troubles, … Continue reading A Text from Chris
I looked at OkCupid yesterday and happened to notice my conversation with Chris is no longer there. This means one of two things happened. Either he unmatched with me, or he has disabled his account. My gut says it was the latter. My gut says his mother's "health issues" are fact, not falsehood, and things … Continue reading Still bummed about Chris