ADHD, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, recurring headaches… It's understandable why my home is generally not very clean. Tidying up quickly before friends come over is something I can do. Knowing there is a deadline puts pressure on me, and I perform well under pressure. (ADHD and Cleaning) It's an adrenaline thing. My mind and energy … Continue reading Cleaning House Without Distractions
It's Saturday! Finally! I don't think I've been this happy for a weekend in ages. It was a long week. For some it might sound silly to hear someone say working every day was exhausting, but for me, working every day was exhausting. And there were a number of things I did to cause this, … Continue reading A week of dingbats
The doctor's appointment to discuss the heading disorientation I experienced a few weeks ago is today. I'm nervous. If I'm being honest with myself (and her) my head doesn't feel quite right. It feels like my hold is fragile, but my hold on what, I'm not sure. Past posts on this topic:* That’s me in … Continue reading Dementia Fears
Goddammit. Just, fuck. Goddammit. I lost where I was again. My brain fritzed out and I had no idea where I was. I couldn't figure it out. I froze. My chest constricted and tears welled up and I looked around blankly, trying to figure out where the fuck I was and how to get where … Continue reading That’s me in the spotlight, losing my direction
As mentioned yesterday (You Can't Go Back [update]), my memory is horrible. I remember mentioning it yesterday. I do not, however, remember writing about ADHD on this blog before now. Since I have a terrible memory, I did a search for ADHD. On my own blog. To find out if I've written about ADHD. Because … Continue reading ADHD and me
Autumn is a new beginning. Not just because of the ingrained rhythm of the beginning of the school year, but also, the Jewish New Year and my birthday. Everything starts fresh in autumn. Plus, autumn brings cooler temperatures and clothing styles I am more comfortable in. Nothing puts me in a good mood quite like … Continue reading Glad To Live in a World with Octobers
It's counterintuitive to be afraid of being in a good mood. I know for other people, being in a good mood is just a normal thing. For me, it comes so rarely that it causes anxiety. I know that it is a fleeting thing. I don't know how long it is going to last. Inevitably, … Continue reading Anxious Happiness: How Long Will It Last?
This week is going to be busy. And I'm not stressed about that. In fact, I'm thrilled. It is the last week before my boss returns from a month-long vacation. There is a ton that I want to have finished before his return. I know I will conquer it. I have plans every night this … Continue reading Busy but Good
Thoughts on exercise, one month ago today It's 6:00 AM. I have my coffee beside me and my cat, Abigail, curled up on my lap. It's cool in my house, far cooler than it's been these past few days. When I rose out of bed I ditched my lightweight summer nightgown and threw on a … Continue reading On exercise, depression, anxiety, and laziness
Old Self would have problem-solved these feelings of sadness I've been experiencing in recent months far better than New Self is doing. Old Self would have come up with a game plan and concrete action steps. Old Self would have project managed the shit out of it. New Self has this idea that the activities … Continue reading Depression and Exercise
Chris texted me. I'm floored to have heard from him and am struggling to think of a response. His message popped up on my phone yesterday afternoon. I'm doing pretty good. Thank you for asking. My sibs are in town now, so, sort of a shit show here :). Mom is suffering from kidney troubles, … Continue reading A Text from Chris
Some of the guys who contact me on OKCupid are hilariously awful. Many are not. But the awful ones are usually more fun to talk about...
Suppressed emotions during depression cause a fear of writing. Depression and writer's block go hand-in-hand. It isn't until the suppressed emotions are uncovered and addressed that a depressive spell lifts and writing can begin again.
With solo travel comes a type of loneliness that is freeing, but crushing. The need for connection is biological. It's how we're wired. And we wind up lacking it.
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.