It is Sunday evening of Thanksgiving weekend and I have a glass of eggnog heavily dosed with brandy beside me. My Christmas tree was bought and decorated this weekend. I am admiring it as I type. Oliver the Cat is unimpressed A couple of friends helped me with the tree. We decorated while sipping a … Continue reading Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present
I spent the last week transported into the 1600s in Amsterdam. It was winter, and it was cold. And I was very much alone, and very lonely. The reading project is going well. I have made it through The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern and The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton, and have now moved on … Continue reading Thoughts On “The Miniaturist” by Jessie Burton, ADHD, and Loneliness
Yesterday the clocks changed, and I celebrated the onset of longer evenings by setting up string lights through my entryway, living room, and dining room. One hundred and twelve feet of continuous space. I hung command strip mini-hangers at 18" intervals throughout the entirety of it. It took six hours. Folks, I can't believe I … Continue reading Whoa… I actually completed the whole task
The clocks have changed and the months of long, dark evenings have arrived. Some bemoan this, and really, if clocks stopped changing twice a year I would have zero objections. Clocks do currently change, though, for better or for worse. And now that they have, I'm getting excited about holiday decorations. Specifically, light displays. The … Continue reading No shame in my Christmas game
I am afraid of dating and romance. I am hiding myself away for fear of experiencing more hurt. I trust myself to heal from emotional pain. I've done it to varying degrees dozens of times. The difference now, and the thing that's bothering me, is this: I don't want to. The only possible outcome of … Continue reading Romance: The Ultimate Fantasy
As I write this, it's Monday. It's Monday and I hate it. I want more weekend. I wish I didn't have to go to work for money. Or work at all, if I'm being honest. This isn't something I've ever been honest about with myself or anyone else. I've always felt horrible and guilty for … Continue reading ADHD and not wanting to work
I'll preface this by saying Plum Dating is in no way compensating me for signing up for the Plum Dating app or writing this review. Nobody at Plum Dating even knows I exist. I am simply a woman who has a lot of experience with dating apps and who was interested in the development and … Continue reading I tried the Plum Dating App. Here’s how it went.
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.
Instead of, “Hey, this is nice. How lovely,” the heart screams, “Let’s think about how awful it will feel if this ends.”
I had two social events this weekend that were both surprising and positive. The first was my company holiday party on Friday evening. Usually, I find those things awkward as hell and have a hard time enjoying myself. This year, I had a blast. It wasn't at all difficult to mingle, chat, or have fun. … Continue reading Dating update
I went out with a guy last night and I cared whether he liked me or not. As a result, I was nervous. My caring may have been because I already suspected I could easily really like him. I liked his profile online and definitely thought he was cute, and our conversation via online chat … Continue reading Inauthenticity
It's so amazing and rare to find someone you enjoy traveling with. It's even more amazing to spend ten straight days together, then miss the person when you part. We met in college, in the fall of 1998. By the end of the semester, when he left to go home to Ireland for a month … Continue reading Depression’s Lies and Loveability (Travel Revelations)
Twenty years ago, I had a brief summer fling with a Galway Guy. We've kept in touch, loosely, through the years. In a few short weeks, I'll see him. For the first time in twenty years, we will meet. We were halfway there when the rain came down Of a day -I-ay-I-ay And she asked me … Continue reading The Galway Guy
My wish for you is that you soften with age. You who wears your dark eyeliner and black clothing and chunky silver jewelry as armor, allowing it to be your protection against the world. You, who probably is fooling nobody with your attempts at toughness, but feels sufficiently defended to battle a world that you feel … Continue reading Letter to a Younger Self