It is Sunday evening of Thanksgiving weekend and I have a glass of eggnog heavily dosed with brandy beside me. My Christmas tree was bought and decorated this weekend. I am admiring it as I type. Oliver the Cat is unimpressed A couple of friends helped me with the tree. We decorated while sipping a … Continue reading Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present
romance
Thanksgiving and taking stock of 2019
It’s been a shit few years or so. 2019 is the first one that’s ending on a true, sustainable upswing. It’s Thanksgiving week, and I am thinking of all the things for which I am thankful. A friend commented the other day that 2019 has been the year of Suzanne, and I realized she was … Continue reading Thanksgiving and taking stock of 2019
Introducing: My Next Boyfriend
There is a new man in my life. I haven't spoken of him yet, mostly because I haven't been able to figure out how. But I've also been keeping quiet because I feel a great amount of shame around allowing him into my world. His name is Dick. I'm not sure when we met or … Continue reading Introducing: My Next Boyfriend
Romance: The Ultimate Fantasy
I am afraid of dating and romance. I am hiding myself away for fear of experiencing more hurt. I trust myself to heal from emotional pain. I've done it to varying degrees dozens of times. The difference now, and the thing that's bothering me, is this: I don't want to. The only possible outcome of … Continue reading Romance: The Ultimate Fantasy
Thoughts on trying to date again
Today is day 4 of avoiding tomatoes and I'm feeling a ton better. Not 100%, but much better than I was. I think I might also be feeling a bit lonely for male companionship. I saw Cookie last Thursday and his hugs may have triggered something. Some memory of how nice it is to feel … Continue reading Thoughts on trying to date again
Friday Joy: It’s Not Laziness, It’s Self-Care
Sometimes I worry about how my life might appear to others if I really let people in and allowed them to see the reality of my day-to-day. My life makes me so happy, though. Take today, for example. I woke up with my alarm at 5:15 and stumbled into the kitchen. Last night, I set … Continue reading Friday Joy: It’s Not Laziness, It’s Self-Care
Cookie and weight loss. What a fun combination!
Had drinks with Cookie after work yesterday. Hadn't seen him in a while and it was a lovely catch up. It was also my first time having a drink in almost two weeks, and I was amused as hell to find two glasses of wine made me slightly loopy. Fun times, though! We parted ways … Continue reading Cookie and weight loss. What a fun combination!
Story ideas: imagined interactions
I still have conversations in my head with the exN a lot. (exN = the narcissistic ex-partner, otherwise referred to as, "the Narcissist.") Often, I inadvertently fantasize about having to deal with him in some situation or another. Perhaps, he's sick. Or perhaps, it's some other reason. Somehow, he's in need and it's on me … Continue reading Story ideas: imagined interactions
On exercise, depression, anxiety, and laziness
Thoughts on exercise, one month ago today It's 6:00 AM. I have my coffee beside me and my cat, Abigail, curled up on my lap. It's cool in my house, far cooler than it's been these past few days. When I rose out of bed I ditched my lightweight summer nightgown and threw on a … Continue reading On exercise, depression, anxiety, and laziness
“We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
I received the following in a text from Chris yesterday: "I'm sorry but I have to cancel again. I'm just getting the feeling that my life is too messy to make plans right now. I'm sorry for being such a flake." And thus the burgeoning romance ends. Was it something I did? Something I said? … Continue reading “We’re out of romance, how about just the anxiety?”
Missing Goatee Guy
I'm still missing Goatee Guy. There. I said it. I've been trying and failing to deny these feelings. It's been three months since he ended things between us, and I still think about him and miss him. Particularly when I'm ovulating, because good lord were we physically compatible. And I miss it. He used to … Continue reading Missing Goatee Guy
Follow-up: Romantic Joy and a Cookie
This is a follow-up post to one from Wednesday of this week, where I expressed eagerness and excitement about seeing a man again. I expressed happiness that my guard wasn't up. There isn't a thing about this guy that is making me nervous. Our evening together on Wednesday was wonderful. He's an absolute delight to … Continue reading Follow-up: Romantic Joy and a Cookie
Staying Grounded While Being More Social
Underneath it all, I'm still lonely and miserable, but I'm doing my best to focus on the moment and be my best self in each situation I'm in. This means performing well at work, trying to eat well and exercise, keeping my head on straight as I flow through life. It isn't easy right now. … Continue reading Staying Grounded While Being More Social
The Galway Guy
Twenty years ago, I had a brief summer fling with a Galway Guy. We've kept in touch, loosely, through the years. In a few short weeks, I'll see him. For the first time in twenty years, we will meet. We were halfway there when the rain came down Of a day -I-ay-I-ay And she asked me … Continue reading The Galway Guy
Body Image Musings
Me: Will you take some photos of me to use for online dating while we're working in your yard today? Friend: YES! Me: Awesome! I want some full body shots in workout clothes so guys will know what they're getting and nobody is pretending anything. Friend: I think you're being a bit negative about the … Continue reading Body Image Musings