As mentioned yesterday (You Can't Go Back [update]), my memory is horrible. I remember mentioning it yesterday. I do not, however, remember writing about ADHD on this blog before now. Since I have a terrible memory, I did a search for ADHD. On my own blog. To find out if I've written about ADHD. Because … Continue reading ADHD and me
Some folks are able to sit with their thoughts and quietly come to conclusions and make sense of their life. I am the opposite of that. Always have been. This results in me talking to friends incessantly, usually via various messaging platforms but sometimes in person or on the phone, too. To be honest, I've … Continue reading Being an external processor
I'm not overdoing anything. I'm stretching after each workout. I'm being gentle with my body and doing everything right. And yet, somehow, I've managed to hurt myself. Again. Like I always do. It's like my body just wasn't meant for exercise. Other people's are. Mine wants the couch and Chips Ahoy. The issue, this time, … Continue reading An exercise injury, yet again
I'm still struggling against wanting to lose weight and I'm frustrated by it. On some level I know my break from dating is in part because I don't feel good about my appearance. I don't want to feel like crap about how I look while I try to date. I want to feel confident and … Continue reading Friday joy and emotional struggles with size loss
Here's the thing about tracking my food intake: I'm learning that eating within a certain calorie range really isn't all that difficult for me. Take today, for example. I knew I was going to hang out with a girlfriend tonight to celebrate her buying a house (YAY FOR HER!!!), and I planned for it. I … Continue reading What I’m learning by tracking my food intake (plus, a couple of new recipes)
Recently my overeating (and drinking) started bothering me again. I don't think I'm binge eating nearly as much as I used to, if at all. I don't remember the last time I felt completely out of control and ate until I was in pain. The book I wrote about, Intuitive Eating, really was a game-changer … Continue reading Thoughts on Overeating
Riddle me this: How is it that on a week when I was far busier than usual I managed to get in more workouts instead of fewer?I worked out on Sunday and wasn't planning to do so again until Thursday. But then, a girlfriend and I had time to kill before meeting another friend for … Continue reading Achievement Unlocked: Exercise Level 2
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.
Too many of us keep ourselves hidden. Too many of us learned it's what life requires of us. Don't be sensitive. Don't have big emotions. Push your feelings away. Maybe, just maybe, I want to show my writing to the world because I want to scream a big hearty FUCK THAT to all those notions and to inspire others to do the same.
I am a Virgo Sun (Libra cusp), Leo Moon, Cancer rising. To those in the know about astrology, this describes many important things about my personality. This is how I present to the world and who I am inside. It also illuminates my strengths and my challenges as I recover from Narcissistic Abuse. These are … Continue reading Astrology and Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
I know when I'm satiated by my meals. I understand, in the course of eating a meal, when that happens. Yet, I keep eating two to three times the amount that physically satisfies my needs. I'm sick of it. I weigh more than I've ever weighed in my life. My clothes hurt to wear. I'm … Continue reading Getting Control of Binge Eating
The weather is getting warm out and it's time to put away the big long cozy sweaters I've been wrapped in all winter. For the past two days, I've been wearing outfits that show my shape. Yesterday I wore a t-shirt and a denim jacket with jeans. Several times through the course of the day … Continue reading Depression, weight gain, and self hatred
It is 4:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful sunny day. Both cats are asleep on me. They are the reason I haven't poured a second glass of wine. I'm in cozy pajamas, sitting sideways with my legs stretched out on the couch. One cat cuddles between my shins. The other stretches across my thighs. … Continue reading Depression and Self-Acceptance
I woke up angry today. It was 4:30am and I woke up and I was full of self righteous rage. It's entirely possible it was simply because it was 4:30am and I didn't need to be awake for another hour and a half. I'm inclined to think it's also because my period is due today. … Continue reading PMT/PMS explosions
This anecdote dates back to July of 2017, when I first decided to give post-Narcissistic-relationship dating a shot. I quickly decided dating was a miserable endeavor and I'd be far better served by devoting energy to self-improvement and healing. I was only a month into no contact with the Narcissist and I really wasn't ready … Continue reading Narcissistic Recovery: Behind the Mask